Heartbreak. All the drama and ice cream.

I thought that heartbreak would be easier when you’re older…  I quickly found out that my very adult heartbreak looked a lot like my teenage heartbreak, except I have a job and pay bills now…

In my mind, I was ready for a serious relationship.  I was ready for the “I DO” season of my life.  Then, I had one conversation that I didn’t want to hear and I spiraled into a dark cloud of a person.  I really wanted that person and that particular relationship to work out.  I wanted my wait to be over.   For all of the mountain of prayers to be answered.  To continue on feeling those exact feelings and knowing without a doubt that that person was my person.  I just wanted my love story to finally be real.  You know?

The sadness I felt was so raw and deep that I could literally feel my heart tightening at the mention of his name, but why?  I really didn’t know this person long.  We weren’t even officially together!  Yep, I was that delusional hot mess lol.  My heart though–was completely invested.

Realistically, I knew that it wasn’t going to work, so I tried to shut him out completely.  I told him I didn’t want to be friends.  I blocked social media accounts and phone numbers.  I tried to go on my days and pretend that everything was like it was before I met him, but something kept me holding on to this person.  I couldn’t let go.  Just when I thought I was over him, I would break down in hysterics and pray that he would come back.  So, I eventually I would unblock him again…   Oh my it was sad, and also pretty pathetic for a grown woman to act that way haha.  I’m completely aware.

Then, something weird started to happen.  Every time I thought about him, I began to pray for him.  I genuinely prayed for his heart and situation.  I wrote about how I felt and didn’t hold back.  Finally, on a pretty normal day, I had the gusto to accept what was, and I let him go.  For real.  I was content for the first time in over two months!  I finally had peace!

And then, he called the very next day…





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