The Single perspective on Couple Holiday Traditions:
I made this humor-filled rant a few years ago… I have done most of these myself when I was in relationships too, so it’s shared hilarity at this point, but I have to say these are all still hilariously true.
The absolute worst couples holiday of the year. Let’s see there’s pictures together in front of the Christmas Tree, on Santa’s Lap, at Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Day. Don’t forget the crap ton of presents they spoiled each other with… OHHH and I almost forgot about the annoyingly non-original Christmas proposals. It’s Jesus’ Birthday, not your celebratory moment! Just think how ticked you would be if someone proposed at your Birthday party… The end.
2. New Year’s Eve
You mean to tell me that the start to EVERY New Year has to be by a kissing tradition?! COME ON… couldn’t have we made it a good ole high five or chest bump?!
3. Valentines Day
Not only to couples take the front runner on every other holiday, but they actually had to make a whole day dedicated to loving each other more than they do every other day of the year. Thanks a lot Hallmark.
Easter is supposed to be a day glorifying Christ, but these bunny lovers decided to color love notes on Easter eggs and take pictures together at Church in their Sunday best instead. Jesus doesn’t care that you dressed up and color-coordinated with each other. Just saying…
5. The Fourth of July
A day to celebrate our wonderful country of the United States of America… Nope. It’s clearly a day for couples to take pictures kissing under the fireworks, but don’t you worry they’re wearing their Red, White, and Blue folks.
6. Labor Day
A day of rest for tax paying Americans, NOT. It’s clearly a time to take couples selfies at the campsite or you know on a boat somewhere.
OH good lord with the couples costumes already. You’re telling me you can be anything you want and you still choose to be the other half of someone else? Shut the front door.
Gobble gooble, it’s that time of year again to take a picture cuddled up on the couch with your significant other after eating too much. Isn’t that sweet?! I think I just threw up and it’s NOT because of the turkey… Or, maybe it is. I’m vegan/vegetarian now.
Happy Holidays, ya filthy animal!
(Now to go watch Home Alone for the millionth time.)